last night in person

i woke up to a knocking at my door. lotta, my roommate, was behind the abrupt confusion. she was standing there revealing half of her body, the other hidden by the door. my vision was blurry, i couldn't see, but i figured it was her. she was going home to finland this morning, after living in columbus for seven or nine months. i could feel a sadness in her voice. she was crying, a little. we smoked the night before and watched the cosmos by carl sagan. i felt this overwhelming pain in my chest that eventually took over every part of my body. at the time, i described it as the feeling you get right before you die. sleep seemed like the only escape, but bad dreams were the noise keeping me awake. but now, hours later i was awake, looking at lotta standing in my doorway. someone i didn't know very well, but someone who hung out with me on her last night in the states. i told her i was glad she lived with us and that she was genuinely a good person, but i sensed that might make her more upset. so i motioned for a hug. she came over, but as i went to stand up i noticed i was just in my underwear, and i may or may not of had a boner. regardless, we hugged goodbye and she left and i went back to sleep.